Petitioning Whom?

2007 June 8
by Robert

The BBC has on its web site a petition demanding the release of journalist Alan Johnston, kidnapped as you probably know about three months ago in Gaza.  But even when demanding its own journalist be released, the BBC’s maddeningly detached and passive tense writing style still manages to rear its head in the vital opening paragraph.  In fact, it doesn’t even make clear initially at whom the demand is directed:

Thousands of BBC News website users have written to the BBC to demand the release of Gaza correspondent Alan Johnston. They have signed an online petition and the names are published here…

That is composed so blandly it reads as if the BBC is itself holding Mr Johnston, and web site readers are demanding the BBC release him.  How about this opening instead?:

Thousands of BBC News website users have signed a petition demanding those who kidnapped BBC journalist Alan Johnston in Gaza release him immediately and unconditionally. They have signed an online petition and the names are published here…

There.  If you are going to make a demand . . . at least make that demand clear right from the start.  Is that so difficult?